How to Remain an Involved Parent or Grandparent When You’re Living With Mild Cognitive Impairment

Any busy parent can forget a permission slip or mix up which day soccer practice starts. But if you’ve been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment (MCI), those mistakes can raise bigger questions about how to keep showing up for the children and grandchildren who count on you.

A diagnosis doesn’t mean you have to stop picking up the kids from school or taking them to the park; you may just need a little more support along the way, says Lang.

Communication Across Generations

If you’re raising children or helping care for grandchildren, a conversation with your family about MCI can help everyone understand which responsibilities you can keep handling and where you might need backup, says Sarah E. Patterson, PhD, a demographer, sociologist, and research assistant professor at the Survey Research Center at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.

By proactively coming up with a plan together as a family, before many noticeable changes, you can keep things on track, says Lang.

Teenagers Teens often notice when a parent or grandparent forgets things or isn’t showing up in the same way, so it may be a good idea to explain what’s going on, says Lang. She suggests telling them you need their help with reminders, “because I want to still be there for you and still show up for the after-school activities.”

“I think parents should feel free to be honest and open with their kid about what is happening,” says Dr. Patterson. That includes being clear about the ways your teen can still count on you and where you may need their help staying organized, she says.

It can also help to connect teens with other kids whose parents face similar health challenges, so they know they aren’t alone, she adds.

Young children may not fully comprehend a diagnosis, but they may understand more than you think, and they may want to help, says Lang. Whatever their age, kids need to hear that your love for them hasn’t changed, she says.

“It’s important that they understand that, yes, it’s a diagnosis, but it’s not going to define me. It’s not going to change our relationship, how much I love you, how much I’m going to take care of you,” says Lang.

Raising Teens and Younger Children

Focus on what’s gotten harder. Make a list of the tasks that have become more challenging, and work on strategies for those first. This could be an area where a trusted family member or friend who understands your situation can help you brainstorm solutions.

Share the planning. Rather than managing everyone’s schedule on your own, ask a teen to go over the school calendar with you, then print it out and post reminders on the fridge, says Lang.

Leverage Smart Technology

Both high-tech and low-tech tools can keep family schedules on track, says Patterson. Here’s some tech to consider.

Phone and Tablet Reminders Many free apps and tablet reminder systems can prompt you with simple messages, such as when it’s time to pick up a child from school, says Lang.

A Family Whiteboard or Binder A whiteboard can keep the day’s tasks where everyone can see them, and some families put together a binder or box with everything another caregiver would need to step in, says Patterson.

Build a Community Support Safety Net

It’s wise to start lining up support from family and local resources soon after a diagnosis, says Patterson.

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging. “It’s one of those unsung heroes that people don’t really know about,” says Patterson. These agencies can connect you with services in your own community, she says.

Tap local programs. The YMCA, youth clubs, and places of worship may offer after-school programs, including some with activities for you and your child or grandchild at the same time, says Lang.

Embrace Low-Tech Time Together

The things you enjoy doing with your kids and grandkids, and the ways you connect with them, don’t have to change after an MCI diagnosis, says Lang.

If every Friday afternoon is the time you bake chocolate chip cookies, keep baking. If you lose track of which step of the recipe you’re on, your child or grandchild can remind you whether you’ve added the eggs, says Lang.

“We don’t want to see the normalized routine activities being taken away and thinking, ‘Oh no, because of the diagnosis, I have to stop doing this activity,’” she says. You can also reassure the child that the traditions you share together aren’t going anywhere, says Lang.