8 Ways to Stop Sweating the ‘Small Stuff’

Sometimes it’s easy to brush off minor inconveniences — say, a testy exchange with your partner or a less-than-satisfying customer service experience.

Other times, it can be difficult to move past these stressors, even if they aren’t important in the long run. Learning to do so is essential because they’ll always be a part of life — and if you don’t let them go, they can snowball. To be clear, by “small stuff,” we don’t mean highly distressing events or circumstances. Rather, we're referring to everyday annoyances beyond your control, like another driver cutting you off in traffic, someone else’s attitude, or bad weather. “It becomes difficult to ‘let go of the small stuff’ because we get stuck trying to change the unchangeable,” says Molly Sherb, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist at the Mount Sinai Health Center in New York state.

1. Pause and Practice Some Breath Work

If you’re starting to get heated over something, a helpful first step is to pause and breathe, says Jaryd Hiser, PhD, a psychologist and an assistant professor at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center and College of Medicine in Columbus. “Even a brief pause helps engage more reflective parts of the brain involved in decision-making and emotion regulation,” he explains.

2. Acknowledge Your Feelings

• Recognize what you’re feeling in your body and mind.
• Name the specific emotions you’re experiencing.
• Accept the emotions without judgment.
• Instead of reacting automatically to your emotions, take your time and decide how to respond.

You don’t have to go super in-depth. “You might say to yourself, ‘I’m feeling frustrated right now,’” Dr. Hiser says.

3. Practice Radical Acceptance

Many coping strategies that can help you let go of the small stuff are derived from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), a form of psychotherapy that teaches people how to manage their emotions, says Daniel Knoepflmacher, MD, a psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medicine at NewYork-Presbyterian in New York City.

“One evidence-based strategy from DBT is radical acceptance,” Dr. Knoepflmacher says. “It’s a reality-based approach, where you remain mindful of the facts.”

To practice radical acceptance, simply state the facts as they are. For example, instead of saying, “I can’t believe I got disconnected from a customer service representative after waiting on hold,” you could say, “I got disconnected, and now I need to make a new plan to achieve my goal.” This helps you accept reality and take action, instead of dwelling on your stress.

4. Ask Yourself What You Need

If someone is rude to you, you might focus on their actions. But that can prolong your suffering and make it difficult to move on.

“A more helpful approach is: ‘What do I need right now?’” Hiser says. The answer could be a walk, a glass of water, or just a couple of minutes away from your desk.

This strategy is effective because it is proactive rather than reactive, he adds: “It shifts attention from the trigger itself to caring for the nervous system that’s responding to it.”

5. Try a Relaxation Exercise

To practice progressive muscle relaxation:

• Lie on your back, with your palms facing up.
• Take several deep breaths through your nose. Focus on releasing tension with each exhale.
• Start relaxing your muscles one at a time, starting with your feet. Tense your foot muscles, hold the tension for a few seconds, and then relax them completely.
• Notice the relief you feel as the tension leaves your muscles.
• Slowly work your way up your body, tensing then relaxing the muscles in your legs, abdomen, arms, jaw, forehead, etc.

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6. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Sometimes the little things that bother us have nothing to do with other people. For example, it can be frustrating to sort out a difficult problem at work or to fix a broken home appliance.

These frustrations can lead to negative thoughts such as “This always happens to me” or “I’ll never be able to fix this,” Knoepflmacher says. Identifying and immediately replacing those thoughts with positive sentiments — such as “I am capable of working through this” — can help change your perspective on the issue.

7. Build a Daily Stress Management Routine

“Most people try to manage stress after they’re already overwhelmed,” Hiser says. But stress management skills aren’t as effective at that point. It’s best to use them proactively as part of a regular stress management routine. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Practice a deep breathing technique before getting out of bed in the morning.
• Go for a 10-minute walk during your lunch breaks.
• Call a friend or family member on the way home from work each day.
• Spend five minutes journaling or meditating before bed each night.

8. Recognize When a Stressor Isn’t That Small

Sometimes it’s difficult to decide whether something is just an annoyance to brush aside or important enough to address head-on.

Hiser says the following signals may suggest that something you perceive as “small” warrants intervention.

• The same stressor bothers you for days or weeks.
• You’re frequently using alcohol or other substances to cope with a certain stressor.
• The stressor is affecting your sleep, work performance, concentration, or relationships.

“It’s also important to pay attention when a seemingly small trigger repeatedly touches on deeper themes, such as feeling rejected, criticized, unsafe, disrespected, or unappreciated,” Hiser says.